Larger Fires

When we find in ourselves attributes which we feel incompatible with the vision which we have for ourselves, we develop a little bitter taste. What tends to follow is a nagging sense of insecurity, and the sense that the attribute in question inevitably pulls us down and holds us back from reaching the potential which we see ourselves otherwise being able to attain. But we humans are adaptable creatures, and, over time, we develop some form of a self-defence mechanism in the denial of our failings.

At best, even if we are not in denial, we construct an alternative remedy through focusing on our merits, all the while purposefully and conveniently ignoring our failings. A curious irony follows; in avoiding our insecurities and playing on our strengths, we inadvertently develop little kingdoms of pride. Saplings of complacency begin to emerge, not in place of our insecurities, but as an alternative which overshadows. Like deviant foresters we ignite our own roaring inferno, extinguishing the burning house by drawing on the oxygen it feeds on. The result is but a pyrrhic victory; we succeed in concealing our weakness, but we unwittingly fetter ourselves with the heavy manacles of pride.

As much as we’d like to believe in the far-reaching nature of our self-awareness, such conceit usually remains hidden under the radar of our self-critique. Its advantage is innocuous, and stems largely from how conveniently justifiable it is. We tend to believe that it stands to reason that, ultimately, our primary motive was the extinguishing of the burning house, and that the larger fire we started was merely means to an end. Our line of thought might travel as such:

“How can I be considered arrogant, if I admit so readily to my deficiencies and failings? Surely my humility is displayed in the concern I have for these negative aspects of myself!”

In using insecurity as a form of justification for a proud spirit, we believe, rather erroneously, that we have somehow come up with a clever little way of escaping weakness, while yet making a good show of strength. Consider it akin to a balloon gorilla. The balloon gorilla thumps its chest with much bravado, in a very visible display of his might, all the while completely unaware that what lies within is but a giant cavern of air, a hollow emptiness housing a sorry lack of substance. Interestingly, not only does the balloon gorilla fail to address his failings, but he also loses credibility in the areas he professes his capability in.

Confidence as a means of distraction and misdirection is easily shaken, for ultimately, we are not at peace with our whole person; we have not come to terms with our weaknesses. We all know of the well-worn phrase ‘fighting fire with fire’, and perhaps the time has finally come for us to radically rethink the real value of just that.